Changes and Challenges (Journal Update)

Damn. My blog had totally died, hasn’t it? January, I was like a machine posting blogs as often as I could. Then suddenly, in February, I’m just.. gone. It’s like a yo-yo diet. You start to get fit (or at least get close to it) and then you become lazy and ruin it again, and then you just go through the same cycle. In my case, I’d call it a “yo-yo blog”.

But that doesn’t mean my love for writing has faded. In fact, I did something that might just get me closer to it, and closer to my dreams. I’ll get to that later.

After 2020 came, some changes have been happening that kept me ‘a bit’ busy. In between those busy moments, I was just lazy. Like I’ve mentioned in the past, I’d like to make a lot of changes in my life now that I’m 30 years old.

For a long time, I’ve just been broke, lazy, careless. A happy-go-lucky, “whatever will be, will be” kind of person. And guess what? I’ve totally mastered that personality which, obviously, didn’t lead to anywhere but an endless cycle of doing things that I don’t much enjoy. Consequently, I’m living the same life.

Recently, I’ve done a few things that I’ve been interested in doing but haven’t paid attention to. Because some of these are things that will definitely lead me away from my comfort zone, which means that I’ll be doing a big change to myself that will be uncomfortable but for a good reason.

Here’s a few things that I’ve done and have been doing these past few weeks.

A More Focused Workout Routine

You might think I just became another victim of the “January hype”. Well, I’m glad, I wasn’t. Although there have been a few ‘off’ days- you know, those days when your mind is telling you it’s chest day, but your body is like, “Meh. Don’t feel like it.”- I always make sure to make up for it and REALLY push myself the next day. Maybe my body is just asking for a little rest, especially since I’ve been jumping rope almost everyday.

Oh, and speaking of jump rope, I’ve also created a new blog called Jumping to Live. Yeah, another cringe-worthy name, I know. But unfortunately, I also haven’t updated it since the beginning of February. But that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped doing it. Hell yeah, I love to jump rope. And I’m definitely gonna do it as often as I can. I just don’t have anything new to share since I don’t have any new tricks. For now, I’m planning what I’d like to put in this blog aside from my jump rope journey.

You know what’s the bigger problem, though? Diet. Damn. When you hear people say that working out is not the difficult part of getting fit? They’re not lying. It really IS the diet. And I think you already know that. At least, thanks to freelancing, I can have more time for exercise and will just need more discipline with my diet.

Now that I’ve pointed that out, I’m gonna make that my next goal. I’m not gonna be totally strict on my diet, though, because I know I’m just gonna be lying to myself. But I just need to pay more attention to my food intake from now on. Yes, I’ve told myself that a million times, but I’ll make sure to get there.

Rented An Apartment

If there’s anything that I never thought of putting in my bucket list, it’s this. To me, this is the absolute destroyer of my comfort zone. Why move in an apartment? I’m living comfortably in my parents’ house. And I’m Asian so I don’t see anything wrong with that despite my age.

But you know what? I think that that’s one of the reasons why I’m not growing. Because I’ve abused my comfort zone. I’m doing fine in this house. My mom cooks great food and she buys all of it from the market. We got the bills covered. All I need to do is work. And if the budget isn’t enough, there are my siblings who can I ask for help. Why the need to separate and live by myself?

As Lao Tzu said, “If you are anxious, you are living in the future…”

Well, no shit. I totally am anxious. Why? Because I’ve gotten this old and yet I don’t see anything bright about my future. But if I had just planned my future clearly, then I wouldn’t have to worry thinking about it. I’d even feel excitement instead of anxiety. But because I’ve taken my “present” for granted by settling in my comfort zone, I don’t even know if I could live by myself. How best to find out? Get out.

Maybe it doesn’t apply to everyone, but for me, the best way to let myself grow is to leave my comfort zone, live by myself (along with my own family) and figure things out on our own. I’m old enough to learn things the hard way and I deserve it.

Learn How to Become Rich

Yeah, dream on, dude. But really, it’s about time I’ve put more attention to money and how to properly take care of it and grow it. Saving money takes time, but if “saving” is all you know, you might take forever to wait until you really become “financially successful”. And that is the most painful thing to hear.

Still, there’s no other way but to suck it up and deal with the fact that having a job is not enough to secure your finances. But there are tons of ways to achieve financial stability. No, I’m not talking about the salary that just comes and goes. I’m talking about REAL savings. Passive income or extra income, whatever would get me out of the rat race. That’s what I’m talking about.

Last January 25th, I’ve attended a seminar about stock marketing. It’s something that I’ve wanted to learn for a very long time. Even though I have a life insurance, I know that’s not enough. I want an investment that will make me rich after a decade or so. I don’t mind waiting, to be honest. I’ve already signed up for an account in a brokerage firm and soon, I’ll start investing.

But I don’t wanna wait for years before I feel the “freedom” after achieving financial success. I mean, I can definitely wait but I don’t wanna suffer while doing so, which leads to the thing I’ve put myself into.

Signed Up For A Copywriting Learning Program

Finally! I’ve always wanted to learn copywriting. Like I mentioned, I enjoy writing and I want it to be the skill that I use to help clients with their business and make decent money. I know there’s a lot of free tutorials and resources online that I can use. Yes, those free stuff are really helpful, but if they really were effective, I should be making lots of money now. Obviously, that still isn’t the case.

Why didn’t I sign up a long time ago if I really wanted it?

Well, pardon my empty wallet, but I couldn’t pay $200 in one sitting. Thanks to my girlfriend who persuaded me to ask my cousin if we could use his credit card, and thanks to my cousin for agreeing, I was able to join the program.

Was it worth it?

Relax, it’s only been a week and we’ve only had one main assignment and a couple of mini tasks. But the amazing thing about it is that during this first week, I feel that I can already reach out to clients and offer my service for a good price. I haven’t done it yet, but I’m already working on my drafts. I feel like this time, I can finally have the confidence to offer my writing skills to clients and help their businesses.

That’s how powerful the program is. So, yeah, I can already say that it’s totally worth it. And there’s seven more weeks left to learn everything about Email Marketing and Copywriting, and I’m very happy to be a part of it now.

The second month of the year is about to end. I gotta admit that I’m proud of myself for accepting these changes, and I’m thankful to the people around for helping me do so. But there’s still a lot of work to do and I’m still finding it difficult to get rid of distractions, laziness and procrastination. At least, with these little changes happening, I can remind myself of the dream that I’m looking to achieve this year, as soon as I can.

Why I Prefer To Read A Book Than ‘Listen’ To It

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How long can you stay focused while listening to an audio book? A Podcast? Do you enjoy doing it? Or do you get distracted easily by things you see around, or even your own thoughts that you lose track of whatever you’re listening to?

Audiobooks are a great tool. They allow people to rest their eyes and not have to actually hold a book and read it. It’s like having a friend who reads you a book and never gets tired and complains about it.

But as good as it sounds, I don’t think I’d ever be able to finish a book by listening instead of reading. Of course, I’ve tried. And that’s why I know that no matter how convenient it is, it just doesn’t work for me.

Or maybe I just haven’t tried to do it more often. Still, the reason why I can’t is simply because I can’t seem to do it. I tried listening to Podcast episodes, too, but I can only last a few minutes. If I’m not distracted by social media, my mind would just start to run random thoughts and I’d totally forget that I was listening to something.

What usually happens is I’d be putting myself in the interviewee’s shoe while they’re sharing their story, and then I’d imagine I have my own similar story. Then, I’m no longer listening to the podcast because I’m already having my own imaginary podcast interview happening inside my head.

I seem to befriend distractions a lot

If you’ve seen my tagline for this blog, that would easily explain why I couldn’t focus when listening to audiobooks and podcasts. See that little story I shared? Stupid, isn’t it? And I don’t think that I’m mentally ill or something. Yeah, I bet. It’s just that my mind is like a running machine that continuously produces nonsense when it’s supposed to stay focused on something. What a waste of machine, right?

There’s something about reading that keeps me more focused than just hearing the words. Although another issue I have of myself is that I can be a selective reader sometimes, or most of the time. It depends what I’m reading, I guess.

If it’s something I chose to read because it caught my attention, then I’ll completely read it. But if it’s something that I’m being forced to read (ex. boring stories; guidelines, instructions from a job that I hate, etc.), that’s when I can be selective. I’d just scan through the information, just looking at the important parts just to get it over with.

It’s much worse when I’m listening. I can pay attention for a good five or ten minutes and then my mind would start taking off and just float in the air. This is probably why I fail so much at life- but that’s another story. The point is, I just don’t think listening to audiobooks- as convenient as it may seem- is effective for me to absorb and understand whatever is in the book that I wanted to read.

I’ve even seen some articles where people say they do this so they can engage in other activities at the same time such as going to the gym. What the hell? I couldn’t even be bothered when someone tries to talk to me while I’m lifting weights and counting my reps. How blessed they are for having such talent.

Maybe the only way listening to audiobooks or podcasts is effective is if you’re in a moving vehicle and you don’t wanna get dizzy while reading a book that is shaking in your hand. But I still wouldn’t find that helpful. The only times I’ve ever listened to podcast interviews were when I was transcribing them for my clients. Don’t get me wrong. The topics were really interesting and very motivational. But I’d still rather read the transcripts than listen to the conversation. (Kudos to transcribers like me out there.)

So, how do I read a book when I’m on the bus or any moving vehicle without risking getting dizzy? Simple- I don’t. If I wanna listen to something, it’s gonna be no other than music. Or I’d just watch videos on Youtube. I’d save reading for any other free time but a moving vehicle. I’d just let my imagination run around like crazy while enjoying some good music.

It’s just not for everyone

That’s right. It’s not for everyone. Maybe it’s only for people who have the skill to stay focused and listen and absorb the message that is being sent from their headset to their ears- Even while they’re out and about.

Not me. I could be listening to a great story or a very interesting podcast interview, but a simple turn of my head to check for vehicles before crossing the road is more than enough to make me forget that I’m even listening to something. I even would remove my headset just to cross the road. Yeah, I’m that cautious- Or paranoid.

Not even when I’m sitting still or lying in bed. Because it will just make me fall asleep.

Kobe Bryant Is So Inspirational That Even His Death Gave Us An Important Lesson

Image by WolfWolfWolf from Pixabay

The year had just started, yet the world is already experiencing a lot of tragedies one after the other. Earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, threats of war. But what happened today was something that I never expected would affect me, in some way.

The world has been shaken by the shocking news that the global icon and NBA Star, Kobe Bryant, has passed away so unexpectedly. He, along with his 13-year old daughter and seven others were killed in a helicopter crash in Calabasas City in California.

If you’re a fan of NBA and especially of Kobe, I think I understand how hard it might have been for you to believe this, considering it hasn’t been long since he retired. His best moments in the court are still very fresh in your memory. I’m pretty sure most of the world is still in denial even if it’s already been a day when this sad incident happened.

If you’re not an NBA fan but are somewhat surprised for feeling sad about what happened, I just wanna let you know that you’re not alone. I’m not a basketball fan but, of course, I know the NBA. And if you’re a non-basketball fan who knows the NBA, you have a very limited knowledge about the players which means you only know the best ones.

Back in the ’90s- when I was just around eight or nine years old- the whole NBA thing to me was just about Michael Jordan, and then the others. That’s because I really don’t watch the NBA but my cousins and other relatives do. And whenever they’d watch with the whole family, you just can’t help but join the hype, too. Whenever the Chicago Bulls would play, I’d watch because there’s MJ and I’d like to cheer for him even though I was totally ignorant about the sport.

Then one time, I heard the name Kobe Bryant from my cousin. He was already a solid fan of the Lakers star back then until now. When everyone else was praising MJ, he was idolizing somebody else. By that time, I got confused. I thought this whole family is all about Michael Jordan? Who the hell is Kobe?

When I got older and I’d listen to my schoolmates talk about NBA, it’s almost impossible not to hear Kobe Bryant’s name get mentioned. That’s how I became aware about his fame. Not because I’m a fan of his or that I watch the NBA, but simply because of how basketball fans talk about him all the time. It’s the name that people would shout when they’re about to throw something a few meters away from the trash bin.

Whether you’re a fan or a critic, you know that the name Kobe Bryant echoes throughout the globe because of his legendary achievements in the NBA and his remarkable passion for the sport. You don’t have to be a die-hard fan to feel sad about the news of his passing. Just knowing the fact that he’s an icon who worked hard, made a name for himself, and inspired many people in the world to pursue their dreams is enough for you to give him respect and look up to him. He has that power.

How and why did Kobe’s death affect me?

Two things. First, it’s just really surprising to know that a person who had just ended his career not too long ago and is still very famous is now gone- just like that. It’s even more frightening to think how helpless he might’ve felt to see his daughter get involved in that situation and he couldn’t do anything to get her out of it.

Second, it’s the fact that someone like Kobe- who everyone might think could afford all the best protection and security in the world- would be a victim of such a shocking incident. It suddenly made me think of how I’m spending my life everyday. This guy is finally spending most of his time with his family after retiring, yet he didn’t get to do it for very long. Kobe’s death reminded me to stop wasting my life away. That it’s about time I make a change for a better life before it’s too late.

So what? It could happen to anyone. A lot of ordinary people die that we don’t take notice. And he wasn’t the only one who died in the crash. Why should this be any different?

First of all, we definitely should also express our deepest condolences to the family and friends of all the other people who were involved in the incident. We pray that their souls may find peace. But it doesn’t mean that we’re picking the people to pay sympathy only because they’re popular and rich. We pay our respects to any human who lost their lives, but we normally would give more value to those who’ve made a huge impact in our lives when they were still living.

Kobe Bryant was someone who, through his talent, inspired people to play basketball. He was someone who motivated even non-basketball fans to pursue whatever dreams they have by showing us that anything is possible if we put our hearts into it. He traveled to different countries to coach and play with basketball fans, and gave motivational speeches telling people how to be good at whatever they do. His mere presence lifted up the spirits of those who looked up to him that they start to believe in themselves.

The inspiration that he spread is not limited to basketball fans, but to everyone who wishes to reach their dreams, achieve their goals, and not settle with being ordinary. That’s why the world mourned his death more than the others. To these people, Kobe was someone who left a significant mark in their lives. They express their sympathy for his tragic death because, in the first place, this was Kobe’s dream, too- To be known by many, and to let the world know that he’s not just a nobody.

He wanted people to remember him. And to achieve that dream, he worked hard. He never settled for “just enough”. He pushed himself to become one of the greatest- something that the majority of people in this world are afraid to do. That’s why many people admire him. He’s simply of the greatest people that are worth looking up to. Unsurprisingly, his untimely death shook the world just as much as he did while he was living.

Not all of us may admit it, but many of us wanna be that person. We want other people to look up to us for our achievements, be loved for the inspiration that we give, mourn our deaths, and be remembered and become part of history. It’s something that many of us secretly desire, but only a few of us have the heart to do what it takes to get there.

Life is never short. But it will always be unpredictable.

We always say “Life is short”. Is it really? Maybe we only feel that it’s short when we continue waste it on things that won’t take us anywhere. When Kobe passed away, the world was stunned. “Are you serious?” “Is this real?” “I can’t believe it!” Because of his fame, even his untimely death affected us so much that many of us started thinking about what really is important.

Kobe’s death shocked the world not only because he had millions of fans. His death also served as a reminder that we can really never tell what tomorrow brings. You wake up one morning, and you hear that a person who you used to see and hear about all the time is no longer here.

He may have not intended to, but Kobe, until his final moment, gave us a wake-up call that it’s time to do whatever we wanna do and live our lives to the fullest. Because we never know how long we’ll have the chance to.

Take Me Home Tonight: I Didn’t Expect This Film To Be A Wake-Up Call

Thanks to Netflix, we are now able to choose what movie we really wanna watch. Although not all movies you’d like to see are available, it’s still a lot better than cable service where the same damn movie lineups run on loop for a whole goddamn week.

At least, Netflix allows you to search movies or shows that you find interesting, especially the old ones that you missed in the past and only discovered today.

Take Me Home Tonight was one of those movies that I didn’t know I needed to see. A comedy film that may not be too funny, but just a light-hearted film to entertain me on a weekend morning. It easily caught my attention after seeing the movie description which said that it’s set in the late ’80s. Just because of that, I’ve decided that it’s a must-watch.

The nostalgic video rental store at the beginning, as well as the familiar faces of the actors who I’m pretty sure I’ve already seen on other movies but couldn’t remember what, were enough to get me started. Then it was the old school soundtracks that got me turning away from my laptop and putting my phone down so I could focus on the movie.

At the beginning of the movie, you’d think it was gonna be about a young adult, Matt Franklin, having a problem with his parents, specifically his father because of pressuring him into doing something he doesn’t like. Aside from Matt chasing his high-school crush, Tori Frederking, who he saw again after a long time and tries to win her by lying about his job just to impress her.

Later on, I realized that the movie is actually about a guy who’s struggling to know his purpose, or is just waiting to find it, and refuses to face the life of maturity at a young (adult) age by not pursuing a career and chooses instead to work at a video store- another attention grabber for me. That’s probably what I could relate to the most with this film. He then finds out that even his high-school crush, who seemed to have it all together, wasn’t at all happy with her job. They were both on the same page after all.

Later on in the climax, Matt had a serious talk with his father. At this point, I realized that the dad wasn’t actually like any of those toxic parents who’d force their kids into being someone they never wanted to, but he just wanted his son to never grow old without a plan until he loses his chance to have one, let alone execute it.

To me, this was the best part of the movie, how Matt realized that he doesn’t need to wait and find out what he wants to be, what his purpose is, but just to take a leap of faith and take any opportunity that would come his way. That’s the only way to know what you want in life. Taking action even without a plan instead waiting for the “right moment” and letting time pass.

I’ve never seen this movie ever since it was released (2011). Never even heard about it until I’ve seen it on Netflix, and I’m thankful that I had a chance to. It’s such a great wake up call for me. For years, I’ve been asking myself, “What the hell do I wanna be?”

Maybe we don’t always know what we want in life. Some do, some don’t. Maybe it’s out there waiting for us to discover it, like a treasure, and the only way to find it is by taking action since it’s not gonna move by itself and come to us. Maybe it’s something that many other people already discovered and are already using, but that doesn’t matter because every person has his/her unique way of using their own treasure. And you’ll have it your way, too, once you find it.

How do you know if the treasure you found is the one you really want? I don’t know. I think it’s just like what this movie is trying to tell us- Just keep looking, keep discovering, instead of just sitting on your ass and not even trying. If you really want something, there’s no way you would’t know you want it. There’s always gonna be a connection, a gut feeling, that will tell you it’s what you’ve been looking for all along.

“You haven’t really failed, son, because you haven’t really tried to succeed. So don’t credit yourself as a failure. You’re worse than that.”

-Bill Franklin, Take Me Home Tonight Movie

Damn, that line really hits you hard, doesn’t it?

I tried my best to leave out most of the details since I didn’t want to spoil the movie, even though it’s an old one. Like I said, I just saw it, so maybe you’re just about to see it, too. Do I recommend it? Absolutely. There’s a lot of fun (and funny) scenes in the movie that are really entertaining. If you’re in doubt in case you saw Rotten Tomatoes’ rating for it, I’d say it’s worth an hour and a half of your whole weekend.

The Game Changers: This Documentary Will Make You Think Twice About Your Food Choices

Borrowed photo from Google that leads to this article.

Wow, I think I can try the vegetarian diet and then go vegan all the way. This was immediately my thought after watching The Game Changers, a new documentary on Netflix that, according to Google, was released on September 16, 2019. I just found out about it when I saw a post I think on Facebook where it said to check it out because it shares some good information about diets. Since I’m claiming 2020 to be my year by achieving my fitness goals, I thought I’d give it a look. And I didn’t expect to see it all the way in one go.

Once you start to watch the documentary, it will easily get you hooked from start to end (the kind of power I wish my blog had). It’s probably just because of my interest in lifestyle change starting this year of 2020, but I’ve seen a lot of videos and articles about health and wellness, and I think not many of them caught my attention as much as TGC did, considering it’s a film about being pro-vegan. It’s the first time something got me thinking if I should try going vegan.

But I know that it’s just my mind being hyped while I was watching. I really don’t see myself going vegan, at least not in the near future, or anytime, ever. You can say I’m being totally skeptical about myself, and that’s true. It’s not that I don’t believe the benefits of it, which was the highlight of the documentary, but just the thought of not having meat for a long period of time, say, the remainder my lifetime, feels unbearable. Whenever I’d eat Shawarma (just like yesterday), I always feel like it’s the best decision I’ve ever made the whole day.

It seems that I’m also not the only one who got hyped by TGC documentary. After watching it, I started searching about it and found out that it’s been creating a lot of buzz on the internet since it was released, and a lot of people were having the same reaction as mine. It’s definitely a job well done by all the people involved in it. I believe what made it so inspiring is the fact that athletes were the subjects of the tests that they made to show how our body reacts to plant-based diets. And it’s more convincing if you see it happening to the people who you thought were supposed to be the ones eating more meat because of their lifestyle. Like, Arnold Schwarzenegger. (What?)

Of course, the carnivores/omnivores won’t just back down like that. After seeing the documentary, I’ve also watched different videos on Youtube of people sharing their reactions about the documentary, including this debate between James Wilks (the guy narrating the film) and Chris Kresser (a guy I didn’t know who, but apparently promotes the Paleo Diet) on the Joe Roegan Experience podcast, and even Joe seemed like he was starting to get convinced by James (or maybe not) as he was bombarding Chris with information about plant-based diet.

I don’t think this diet war between vegans and carnivores/omnivores is gonna end soon but, needless to say, this documentary did affect a lot of people after many of them expressed their interest in plant-based diets, and some of them even saying they’re gonna start reducing their intake of animal products, which is nice. You don’t need to go vegan all the way but you can add more vegetables in your diet, then maybe slowly reduce the amount of meat that you put on your plate and see how far you can go.

I feel that if more and more people would see this impressive documentary, it could highly change the views of the majority about food, especially animal products, and I’m starting to wonder how the meat industry would take it, seeing how genius they’ve always been when it comes to promoting animal products as if there’s no brutal tortures and murders going on behind the scenes, as was also shown in the film.

Anyhow, The Game Changers did a great job in raising awareness about what the meat industry is doing to the animal welfare and the environment, as well as how these products are affecting our well-being. I feel like I, too, might wanna consider cutting down on meat and adding more vegetables on my plate. But then again, going vegan, I really don’t know about that. Just my honest statement.

The Third Wheel

Image by skeeze from Pixabay

On the way home one evening, I came across three joggers- A guy and two ladies. The guy and one of the ladies were running side by side, and the other lady was trailing behind them. A couple and a third wheel, if that wasn’t too obvious. It’s been a while since I’ve seen joggers in our subdivision, jogging at night. These guys must be really motivated. What can I say? It’s the first week of January.

Nah, I’m kidding. C’mon, we all have that joke about January, don’t we? At least they’re trying. How long would they last? Would this become their lifestyle? Or just another January hype? Judgmental? Oh, shut up. You’re laughing. I wonder who’d be the first to show signs of laziness and giving up in the upcoming days, weeks, or months, considering they’d last that long. Is it the guy? His girlfriend? Or the ever so loyal third wheel, who’s with them all the way?

Probably the third wheel, huh? I mean, why would I tire myself out just for a pretending-to-be active couple just because they needed extra company, yet they just keep me behind them while they go all coochy-coochy-coo with each other? If I was her, I’d give this couple a slap in their butts, run past them and go, “Stay fat, you ugly couple! 2020 is my year!” and then just sprint away. See if they could catch up. Nobody does it like me!

Or maybe it’s gonna be either one of the couple who’d give up. “Honey, I already have you and I know you adore me as much as a baby adores ice cream. We don’t need to do this, do we?” Have you ever stumbled upon this article shared on Facebook that says a couple gets fat when they’re happy? Yeah, it’s because of that lame-ass excuse they give each other when they finally realized what a fool they are for even attempting to become better.

But there’s a bigger reason the third wheel won’t ever give up- she’s running after her dream. Not a fit and healthy body, but the man of her dreams, the guy that’s been in front of her all along. The one she’d always been running after ever since they’d met but had to do it in the shadows, the one who couldn’t get beside him and tell him how she really feels because she knows he’s already taken, and he’s happy. So she always lags behind him and his lover on purpose because she knows that that’s the closest she’s ever gonna get. Now she has to literally run after him because he asked her to run with them, and she would never refuse a request from her dream guy.

Call it a selfish and foolish thing to do, but this third wheel chooses to stay behind her dream, the guy, and would continue to trail behind him, run after him. Even when she starts to run out of breath, she won’t ever try to stop and let him go, or run closer to him and reach for him. She’d just stay behind them both. Even if she knows that she’s much stronger and could run much faster than the couple, this third wheel chooses to stay behind them and be their shadow.

His lover suddenly sprints away, not looking back and never comes back, leaving him with a clueless look on his face. The third wheel, being only two steps behind him, easily runs to his side and paced with him, even if he tries to run after his lover who ran away and left him behind. He never knew this would happen. He thought he was all she ever wanted, and now she’s gone just like that. “Was I too slow? Was it something I said?” He stops, almost standing in the middle of the road, and cries to himself, “Fuck! I only did this because it’s January! She left me. I don’t want this anymore!”

But the third wheel isn’t gonna let that happen. She knew they’ve ran too far already just to stop right here. She won’t just let all of their efforts to end like that, clueless and hopeless. With the little skills she learned from her karate class in college, she strikes a strong leg kick as strong as a black coffee would give your chest a scary palpitation in the morning, and hits the guy on his butt. He almost shits his jersey shorts but was able to hold it in after using every bit of strength his ass muscles had left.

Then, despite trying to catch her breath from all the running, the third wheel shouts at the guy, “Get it together, ya pussy! I only agreed to run with you because you promised you’d treat us to McDonald’s afterwards. I better have my double cheeseburger or that shit you held in is gonna go up your throat!” They arrived at McDonald’s and found his girlfriend, who probably dropped at least a couple calories after a five-minute fast-walk and ten seconds sprint, eating her quarter-pounder with large fries and coke like she’s never had a serious meal in ages.


The Shadow of Negativity

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Don’t you just hate how bad vibes are so contagious? It’s like a viral disease that can infect you, especially if you’re sensitive. Unfortunately, I have a poor immunity system when it comes to bad vibes. I mean, I don’t mind people being pissed off. We’re humans and we all have things that we go through. But throw your anger at me just because someone or something pissed you off? Man, I’d be happy to give you a “Fuck this world, including you” mood as thanks.

But don’t worry ’cause I’m not the type who’d show off my bad vibes like other people do, as if it’s their greatest talent. The fact that I’d hate to pass on the negative atmosphere further to other people is one thing, another is that I’d hate the attention. A huge reason why I don’t talk often, and I try to be as audibly discreet as possible when talking around strangers. What’s the point of showing your anger when you already know people wouldn’t care how you feel?

How do I release the bad vibes I unwillingly acquired, then? Nothing. I just keep it. As if it was given to me as a gift by whoever attacked me with it, even if not directly, as if it’s me and the other infected people around who are to blame for whatever misery these contagious negative fucks are going through.

If I had to, I’d die with the negativity just so no one would have to see me getting pissed off and be ruined by it, too. Once I get overshadowed with bad vibes, there’s no getting away from it. Maybe some people get over it easily, but not me. I’d let it consume my wholeness and I’d just savor all the feeling of hate inside me. Not that I want to.

I can be a good listener if you’d ask me to, but if you’re just gonna use me as a punching bag that you can divert your anger to just because I’m the only one around, I can’t promise to take it lightly. Because the more anger I unwillingly absorb, the more my head gets clogged with dark clouds that, even though I can hear and see things around me, I am no longer paying enough attention since I’m already in the I-don’t-even-give-a-fuck-what-you-want-just-get-done-with-it state of mind.

I feel like there’s a shadow that awakens whenever I feel these bad vibrations fired at me. A shadow that blocks everything around me, and even orders me to keep feeling this way. It grins as it tells me that. Even though the negative vibes of other people have already stopped, mine won’t, because this shadow already felt it all. And when it does, it laughs hysterically in my head while I pretend that it’s not there, that it’s not happening.

I kinda feel strong for being able to keep it because despite the hysteria that this shadow portrays, I’m usually able to keep a straight face. Either I’m brave or I’m too afraid to show it. Who am I to? I have nothing to prove and while I’m under control of that shadow, my only right is to shut my mouth- The same right given to a criminal to give him a chance to save himself, if he can.

There’s no other way to do it but that. I’d just let it blow off slowly until it’s totally gone. I’d blow off steam by finding something to do that won’t involve anybody else but me. I prefer to be by myself for that reason. And I have to always keep it this way because I know that I’m not in the right position to express my own negativity, no matter how hard it is to keep it inside. That’s just how it is. It’s something I always deal with and it destroys me, but I can’t show it.

I can only let this shadow laugh at me, say everything it wants to say and only I would hear it. A laughter made of hysteria, not happiness. If it was happiness, I’d be happy to let it take over. What reason would I have to hide it? But it’s not. Once it’s done expressing its own definition of fun, I’d let it go, still quietly, until it gets back to sleep. Nobody else is supposed to see it because no one would, anyway.

If I let people see this shadow making an escape from my head, there would be chaos. Because it’s not the kind of shadow that comes up behind me when there’s sunlight, but one that comes down like rain from the dark cloud above my head. The dark cloud that is formed by all the negative energy that are being thrown at me for no reason, and tempting me to do the same.